Two Weeks at a Contemplative Abbey

Friday was my last day at the Abbey of Saint Walburga; I was certainly sad to leave and deeply refreshed by the time I was able to spend there.

Some of my colleagues at work, and some of the sisters in my own community, wonder why I choose to spend so much of my vacation inside the cloister with a traditional community. There is no simple answer, but a short one might be: the life they lead, and the spirituality behind it, has elements that we desperately need to cultivate in our modern lives - inside or outside the monastery. There is no way to learn or experience them except to go where they are lived and blend in with the culture of the community.

What sorts of things do I mean? Comfort with silence, for one. The Rule of Benedict prefers silence to idle chatter, prescribes table reading rather than conversation at meals, and defines a grand silence after Compline at night. While active monasteries like my own have silence in the morning and at other specified times, it is the exception. When we work together, we often talk to pass the time. In the evening, TVs and radios play - sometimes with just one person listening. At the Abbey, there is a natural comfort of moving in and out of silence - speaking when needed to complete the work or to encourage one another interspersed with a comfortable silence. In the early morning and the evening, the deep quiet encourages reflection, or doing work in a contemplative way, or reading: not passive entertainment.

Learning the ability to make mistakes in public is another. The Abbey prays the seven Offices and celebrates Eucharist every day, with chant and song. Sisters take turns week by week to chant the opening lines, or sometimes entire psalms, solo - using whatever vocal skill they possess. The nuns are human and make mistakes - in front of each other and any visitors. Some are subtle - only the other sisters would notice - others apparent to all. No matter: they have a hierarchy of gestures to indicate recognition and responsibility for the error - healing any ruptures of blame before it gets started. How preferable to wondering whether people noticed! How healthy to have everyone participate - it certainly undercuts any pattern of criticizing another's performance when one doesn't even make the attempt oneself!

Living out a set of practices, not because they are inherently sacred, but out of mindfulness of their intention. Sisters process in rank, eat in rank; juniors give way to seniors even in passing through doorways. If seniors lorded it over the rest, this could be oppressive - and it would be interesting to hear how most junior experience it. It is an utter antidote to the achievement orientation. Assigned a rank in that community, I am above some and below many: and it has nothing to do with abilities or qualities. It is uncomfortable to go before others when I don't feel I have earned or deserved it - but really, which of my skills or talents is mine without God's grace and the help and support of family, education, and circumstance?

Psychological research is beginning to validate ancient wisdom - that gestures and facial expressions SHAPE and affect our thoughts and feelings as well as express them. So smiling makes us feel happier - and frowning makes us angrier. Silence, chanting, bowing, serving one another, giving way in rank, coordinating one's work with the efforts of another: these are not empty practices, but ways of forming different habits in our hearts and minds. I cannot learn or practice these patterns alone but only in a community where they are practiced regularly.

Where is God in all of this, you might ask? Couldn't one simply take up these practices and forget the religious angle? I think not.

Writing about these practices makes them sound easy or idyllic. The lived reality is much tougher. Rank will rankle; people will fail each other and get angry; stresses will occur. God is at the heart of monastic living. The Father is the source of the love they profess for each other. Christ is the model of forgiveness and service to one another. The Holy Spirit is the source of guidance for thoughts and deeds. It is praise of this Trinitarian God that draws them to the Chapel so many times during the day, where they hear the Word over and over - and then go out to put it into practice.

Those of us who live and pray in active monastic communities have the opportunity to bring some of this monastic spirit into the workaday world. I am much more able to do that, though, after having experienced the graces of living the traditional contemplative monastic life even for a short time. The Abbey of Saint Walburga is a deep well of refreshing waters, and I am very blessed that they offered me a chance to drink.